Tuesday, February 08, 2005

My Little Girl is not so little anymore.

First and most important... please follow this link. A good friend has seen fit to post her beautiful drawings on the internet. I intend to capitalize on that - please look at them all. It is not often I see the depth of color utilized in that manner. But, then I am no art critic by any means. I do know what I like. Please click on that link - and then come back.

The drawing is of a little girl. My little girl is no longer so little. As you have probably noticed of late, gentle reader, that I have been waxing nostalgic. I like the term "mental rerun". I suppose it is time I got off my ass and woke up and smelled the new millenia. But I don't want to.

I have found out that my darling little girl has now entered pubescence. I hope I spelled that right. She crossed the threshold between little girl and young woman. I was not ready. I guess I never would have been. It comes with being a Dad. I am certain that someday my darling daughter will grow up and beat the crap outa me for posting... but strangely enough this is not about her. It's about me.

I was not and am not really ready for the heartache to follow. The late nights, waiting for her to come home after a dance. Questioning each date as if I were my father. Wishing he were here to guide me more. The drawing apart of a daughter from her father, the rebellion of creepagerdom.

I think I am most sad because this is a point of no return. I could fool myself, and believe that she isn't growing. I could convince myself that age wasn't marking its time step by inexorable step. It seems as if it was only yesterday. Do you know I know exactly what program was on when she was born? My wife and I were lovers of the old show Key West with Fisher Stevens. You know, man wins lotto and then has to pay piper. Moves to Key West to become the writer Hemmingway was. It was a good, quirky show. Personally, I had it bad for Jennifer Tully. (I still do... don't tell my wife. GRIN)

Just about the time that she finally started "getting down to business" - it was on. It was an episode where Fisher Stevens almost dies, and meets another characters dead wife... Quirky - but good. I miss it. I remember the poignancy of the show that night - and it has stayed with me all these years.

And again - it strikes me. That long ago TV show, Fisher meeting Ciece telling "Gumbo" to get along with his life. I guess she's telling me to do the same. I am sad now, knowing my little girl is gone, and I need to start paying more attention to the young lady aspects of her life, hopefully giving her the information she needs to make wise choices that I won't be there to help with.

Mostly, I am lonely. And I feel very, very old.

God bless, and until our next..........


Sharon said...

Um, not that old. I could talk to you about watching reruns of "The Prisoner" -- have you seen that show?

Thanks for the link, btw --- I appreciate your kind words.
It would have been nice if the people in art school could have been that appreciative! :)

(The little girl in the drawing? Is me.)
It's difficult to see our children grow up. Boy, am I in touch with that emotion!

Patty-Jo said...

When my neices "became young ladies" their mom had a "coming out" party for them. Just the immediate family, a few gifts, cake and the girl's favorite dinner. I would have been embarrassed at that age, but my neices were thrilled. It's a very special time in a girls life.

Before you write yourself off completely, listen up. Your little girl will ALWAYS be your little girl. And she will ALWAYS need you to be her daddy. You're going to do fine!

Suzanne said...

I still think little girls grow up to judge every man by their Dad's standards. I do. He's a wonderful man, and I would hate to do anything to ever dissapoint him. Your little girl will be no different! It's just so strange to see them grow up.